and this is the way my life is, bitch.

Friday, September 30, 2005

there's sth wrong w the f***ing "create a new post" window whenever i log on to Blogger. wth.

clearly, there is sth wrong w my mood as well. ok, fine, i admit, it's partly due to PMS. girls, u KNOW wad i mean. on top of that, i'm a desperate job-seeker wasting my time & money on phonecalls & newspapers, all to no avail. grrrr.

Shawn n i were discussing family probs, the ups & downs of life, as well as interesting, hot topics such as abortion & the fears we have about whether or not we will strike it big in the crude, cold adult-working world, in the near future.

Depression is back to haunt me. ask me why. my answer: I DON'T KNOW. well, of course i hv my reasons, but there are just too many; and my life is far too complicating and atrocious for any one out there to handle. besides, none of u out there wld understand anywae.

call me a weakling; call me spoilt; call me problematic. You don't know what SHIT i've been thru; u wil nv noe how it feels to live with permanent scars caused by wounds inflicted so deep into ur heart,mind&soul, so much so that it destroys ur well-being, and moulds you into someone you were never born to be. you either pick yourself up and become a stronger figure, or u lose it and degenerate into a wilted rose.

at this pt in time, i have not lost it yet. but i can feel my energy draining slowly; the pain of hopelessness gnawing at my spirit.... but i noe i'll recover fr this impulsive onset of low-self esteem, hopelessness and insecurity, eventually. just as i have done before.

i'll need God's help, seriously. Prayer, Faith, Prayer.

Car crashes, TV shows
A drunkard on the side of the road
People running
Fantasy or reality
Analysis and theories
What does matter, really?

Tell me what to believe
Won't you bring me order
Tell me what to achieve
Baby, so I can move forward
Tell me what to believe
Car crashes, TV shows
A drunkard on the side of the road
People runnin', run

Credit cards in place of distress
Go live your life on the Internet
That's what fills it
Conspiracies and mysteries
A science-fiction, make-believe
My kind's misery

Tell me what to believe
Won't you bring me order
Tell me what to achieve
Baby, so I can move forward
Tell me what to believe
Car crashes, TV shows
A drunkard on the side of the road
People runnin', run

Sun goes up
I go down
My values all turned inside-out
But I shall seek and I will find
A sun behind those mist of clouds
We weren't meant to give up

Tell me what to believe
Won't you bring me order
Tell me what to achieve
Baby, so I can move forward
Tell me what to believe
Car crashes, TV shows
A drunkard on the side of the road
People runnin', run

~All these car crashes in my head~

-Car crashes by Standfast

vivacious vixen <3